Olen vs. Tessy

Helaine Olen writes an article under the headline The New Nanny Diaries are Online in The New York Times Style Section on Sunday, June 17. The article is about her decision to fire her nanny after reading entires in the nanny's blog. The article contains enough references to the blog to allow anyone with a beginner's knowledge of Google to be able to find the blog easily.

Tessy, the Nanny, writes a blog response entitled Sorry to Disappoint You which not only tells her side of the story, but also links directly to the posts Olen discusses in the NYT article.

It is clear to anyone who actually reads the nanny's blog posts, that Olen's interpretation the posts is not only wrong, but deliberately sensational. OIen labors under the convenient misconception that anything Tessy says on her blog MUST be about Olen. Tessy freely confesses that she made an unwise decision in giving her blog address to her employer. But Tessy also goes one stop further in a way that I admire. She says that even if she was the pill-popping whore that Olen portrays her to be (and she is not), the she would still have posted about it on her blog and she doesn't automatically condemn promiscuous women who take OTC sleep aids.

The blogosphere then erupts into wide-ranging discussions about the women in question with commenters taking sides, insults thrown at one or the other women, attacks on one or both women as being stupid, naive and/or self-center, and psychologically suspect motives being applied to one or the other women. This all gets followed by the requisite dozens of indignant posts by people who think this is just too stupid to comment about.

In fact, this odd little pairing of monologues by two relatively intelligent women who write openly about their lives, their doubts and their insecurities, manages to touch on a lot of hot-button issues that our society does not handle well.

First, there is the issue of motherhood and all the expectations our society heaps on mothers. Olen is, of course, suspect for hiring a nanny -- why isn't she staying at home and taking care of the children herself? Tessy is guilty as well: as a nanny her role is to be devoted to someone else's children and to sacrifice her personal life for the children and the family who employs her.

Second, there is the issue of employer to employee relations. Olen is suspect for expecting the woman she has hired to think of her employment as an opportunity to be part of a family and not, actually, "a job." Tessy is suspect because she is accused (falsely, I believe) of revealing private details about the life of her employers. Tessy has also broken the newly-minted rule that one must never reveal one's blog to one's employer. It is newly-minted only because Olen turns out to be such a lousy employer. Had Olen merely ignored the blog, Tessy's blog wouldnot have been a factor in the relationship.

Third, there is the class issue of power relations between two women who, while sharing some aspects of class (both well-educated, both career-minded), are involved in a relationship of uneven power. Olen admits to being uncomfortable with that power, although she proves herself a hypocrite by using that power to tell only her side of the story in a national publication. Tessy, while having a better understanding of that power relationship, makes the mistake of not understanding just how much Olen can use that power to her own advantage.

Fourth, there is the diary-reading impulse (for lack of a better term) that makes all of us complicit in this spectacle. Olen allows us a peak into the lifestyle of the upper middle class, two-career family that can afford a nanny. Tessy reveals intimate details of her life that most of us would not normally gain acess to. Because of that openness, we, the readers, feel as if we are qualified to pass judgments on both women -- as if we know them both and can reasonably advise them of what they did wrong and what they should do in the future.

Fifth, when has a major blog story existed in recent memory that had as its basis, the discussion of differing viewpoints of two women?

Given all these opportunities to make glib and cheap statements about the two women involved, I am heartened to see thoughtful posts by women who blog. I recommend reading the following posts and theadditions in the comments sections by the authors below:

The Politics of Nannies and Blogging by Amanda at Pandagon

The More Things Change by Bitch PhD.

I also feared she would judge me by Teresa Nielsen Hadyn.

Anyone else see a pattern here?" by Dorcasina.

If Karl Rove worked for Helaine Olen" by Lindsay at Majikthise.