The article below was originally posted by Pat Kirby at The Poorman. National Public Radio's show "On the Media" turned part of the article into a humorous skit. I looked and looked for a print version and finally found it here. Enjoy


NBC, CNN announce merger

June 11 (Bloomberg) — In a surprise move expected to send shockwaves through the world of TV journalism, CNN, the orginal cable news network, and NBC, which owns cable channels MSNBC and CNBC, announced a deal to consolidate their news organizations into a single giant news network. By pooling their journalistic resources, the organizations will be able to offer deeper coverage of the most important stories of the day, and will be better equipped to complete with current cable news champion FOX News. The new network - to be called Where the White Women At?, or WWWA - is set to debut this week.

At CNN President Jonathan Klein explained the deal at a press conference on Saturday. “For most of history, journalists could afford to spend their time covering wars, famines, politics, and business. The reason for this is that everybody knew where the white women were at -- at home, probably in the kitchen, minding the kids. Sure, sometimes they were out shopping, or knitting at a friend’s house, or even working as an elementary school teacher, but, by and large, the location and status of all white women was known.

“However, society has changed, and the business of journalism has changed with it. These days, with the increased opportunities available to white women, we as a nation are losing track of even the prettiest white women. White women are dissappearing in Aruba, from their jobs as Washington interns, and even right before their own weddings. And while we do our best to give the public all the necessary information about missing white women, the job is just too large for any one cable network to handle.

“And it is not just the number of white women who are going missing that is the problem. There are also white women who aren’t missing, but whose location and situation demands public attention. There are white women on trial for drowning their kids, white women who are dead but nobody knows who killed them, and even some white women who are on spring break and drunkenly flashing their breasts. Clearly, the sheer volume of white women stories is beyond anything journalists have ever had to deal with before.

But even when we restrict our coverage to only the prettiest white women, the coverage is often superficial and redundant. Really: does the public need to hear interviews with Jennifer Wilbanks’ bridesmaids on MSNBC, CNN, and CNBC? Of course not. The public should be able to hear interviews with Jennifer Wilbanks’ bridesmaids on MSNBC, interviews with her coworkers on CNN, and commentary by experts in the field of missing white women on CNBC. However, today, the fragmented nature of the cable news business makes such in-depth coverage impossible. With this merger, we will increase the breadth and depth of our missing white women coverage, and so meet our sacred obligation to keep the electorate informed and aware about where the white women are at.”

The new network will consist of a WWWA channel, as well as WWWA Headline News, which will deliver all day’s key missing white women developments every half hour. Most of WWWA’s time will be devoted to covering current missing white women, but there will also be talk shows where groups of white men get together to discuss the significance of the day’s missing or imperilled white women. Additionally, there are plans for a game show, hosted by Tom DeLay and James Dobson, where family members compete in trivia contests and gross-out physical challenges in order to determine whether or not their comatose white women relatives are kept on life support.

For his part, FOX president Roger Ailes said the deal was no threat to his network. “WWWA will probably become the public’s most trusted source for white women news, but we at FOX view this as an opportunity. While WWWA is focused on white women, we will be able to satisfy the public’s curiousity about shark attacks, babies falling down wells, and celebrity murders, as well as the latest stories of Beloved Leader’s brilliant triumphs over terrorists, Frenchmen, and their villianous Democrat..."

WWWA debuts in most markets on Monday, June 13. It begins its exclusive coverage of white women at midnight with a six-hour special on Michael Jackson.